January 4th 2008

A new year but it all feels the same.

I want to get away

I want to get the fuck away

Get the fuck out of here

Out of this place, out of this moment

Back to a different time

A time when I was innocent and naive

Not giving two shits about what I looked like

Who I was

Or what I looked like

No unattainable cravings

Just comfort and wonder

So at ease with the world

In sync with creation

Now I’m in sync with insanity

Staring blankly at this caption

This caption of him

Him and her

Her and him

Trying to read his face

To dissect each emotion and every thought

To interpret each pulsing vein and every crack in your skin

After seeing you pretend for so long

It’s hard to know if you're really smiling

It looks like a smile to me

But looks can be deceiving

Just like you

And me

The only common bond between us now

January 5th 2:37 am

So I burn your last remains

The ones I thought id hold on to forever

I found them in the album of pictures my mom brought

Me to the hospital

They comforted me when I was losing my mind

But now im losing you

Your face crackles and pops under a brilliant flame

Dissolving into a delicate spider web of ashes

A rusty veil so delicate my shaking finger parts the

Graying sea

Ashes colliding like great waves

The flame towers over fiercely

A great powerful flame

Enveloping your entire existence

Turning your memory to ashes

Ashes carried away by a big gust of wind

I've sacrificed a prized moment

For my own chance at sanity

Im done trying to save you

So I release you into the bitter air

Clouds of smoke making explosions in the sky

-Better to burn out than to fade away-